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Friday, February 04, 2005

So damn serious

Last night Swamps, who says she is also trying to "find herself," commented that my blog is all too serious, and that I shouldn't be offended at having my day's accomplishments called cute.

"I just have to say you all are so serious!!! Goodness, all of this could be great fodder for a great comedic film. And what's so wrong with cute? Aren't our babies cute? Or maybe calling them cute trivializes their experiences, too. Has this ever been considered?"

For the record, I *love* being called cute, when it has everything to do with my outfit and specially coordinated lipstick. But when it comes to writing about a serious topic that affects a lot of great women I know, I don't find it cute. And a lot of women are serious about the identity crisis they are facing as a result of becomming at-home moms. Some women have slumped into depression (I certainly feel that way sometimes), as a result of doing a 180 on their lifes and become mostly invisible.

I think Geeky Mom had a great comment on the intimacy of home-work:
The home is an intimate setting and if the woman is in charge of the home, talking about what she does to manage it feels like talking about sex...Is your home neat or messy? Is your day filled with scrap booking or writing or playing games with the kids? People try to judge what kind of person you are by the answers you give and because it's within the realm of the intimate, they think they've glimpsed the real you. Which, of course, they haven't.
The real me is struggling with who the real me is. Am I a writer? Am I a mother? Am I freak? Am I an overly-serious curmudgeon? I'm portion of all those things, and as my insides fight over which is more important, I'm going to be confused and serious. If I sit back and pretend that everything is hunky-dorey, then I'm cheating myself and my son. I don't want to resent him because I gave up on who I am. I am his mother, first and foremost, but that doesn't mean I should forego other parts of my life. And I don't want to play the what-if game: "Games you can't win, 'cause you play against you," to quote Dr. Suess. What if I had pushed harder to find a job that would compliment my role as a mother? What if I could make parenting coincide with other things that make me an individual in the first place?

This journey will hopefully find all my pieces and put them together again. So, yes, I'm damn serious and determined, and I'm not apologizing for that.


  1. My point is we owe it to ourselves, our children, and our mates to step back and laugh a little. When we get so serious and depressed we are doing everyone we know, including ourselves, a huge disservice. Believe you me, I know this to be true.

    The fact that you have this blog, actually, makes me feel a whole lot better about my newly found mom position. Because I am not alone in all of this. Because I don't know what the hell I am doing with my life. Because you articulate these concerns so well. Because it's great to hear spirit in your voice as well as those others' who comment.

    You may have construed my comment about "all of this could be great fodder for a great comedic film" as mocking. But, really, so many people would relate. And you know we all crave to be understood at a most fundamental level.

    Besides, we could always always use a great belly-aching laugh.

  2. I admire all of you for having any energy to blog at all, and I certainly wouldn't mind a great belly-aching laugh.

    I'm so far from finding myself, I'm not even sure I'm looking. What do you do when you can't find any energy to care?