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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Let's be friends

After much skepticism, I finally joined Facebook. And I have to say I'm feeling a little vulnerable. I've been sending off requests to link up with people I used to work with that I haven't seen or talked with in years. The request says you want to connect to this friend or that friend, but what if they reject my request to be friends? What if they don't remember me?

(Oooh, I already have six friends)

And what does it mean once I have this big network of friends? Do I need to start booking my calendar with coffee dates to catch up? That seems exhausting. And I still don't have childcare (another story altogether), so I'm not sure what I'd do with the kids for all these possible networking dates.

(Now I have eight friends)

So far, no rejects. But perhaps a less offensive way to reject someone invitation is to simply ignore their request. Then you don't actually have to officially decline their request to be friends. Then you'll just wonder if some people ever got your request in the first place. I actually hesitated before sending some requests... Will he remember me? I don't think she ever knew my last name.

Still, I don't want to be rejected. No one wants to be person or online. So I think that's what I'll hope for. If you don't want to be my friend, then just ignore my request. Maybe I shouldn't take it all so personally.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

An hour at the spa.. I mean, doctor

Yesterday was one of those days. I was out of the house for a couple of hours for a long, boring drive to get an ultrasound on my leg. On the drive there, there was no running commentary about the other cars on the highway--the red BMW, the Black Volkswagen, the green Honda Pilot, the blue PT Cruiser, the car carrier filled with new cars, the stream roller. There were no demands for drinks or unneeded stops at the gas station for a potty break. I took the stairs (instead of the elevator with a stroller), flipped through a couple of magazines in the waiting room (instead of feeding snacks to Preschooler in Chief and nursing Baby in Chief), reclined with a book and then closed my eyes in the dimly lit exam room (instead of stressing out while trying to keep BIC quiet so that I could communicate with the doctor). I went to the cafe and had a snack (and I didn't even have to share it). Then I lounged for a few extra minutes in the courtyard and enjoyed the silence and the warm sun. It felt like I was in Calistoga for a glorious pick-me-up.

At what point did my life become so twisted that a doctor appointment without kids equals a luxurious outing?

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I've run out of excuses--shit!

I'm about to venture out into the land of the living, the land of the working, the land of laptops and lattes. I hired childcare yesterday--just 10 hours a week--and while I'm totally excited, I'm a little worried about actually having the time to work. It's a lot of pressure. I know it doesn't make any sense. But recently, it's been so easy to not work because it's really impossible to work when you have a wee one pulling at the power cords under the desk and another one constantly demanding food and attention. But once the childcare starts, what excuse will I have?

I guess I have some fear and it is twofold--fear of failure (can I actually write a book?) and fear of rejection (will anyone want to publish my book?). I guess there are some other fears in there too... Am I organized enough to write a book? Am I organized enough to write the proposal? Will an agent want to represent me? I know I'm getting a little ahead of myself, and I will try to not let the potential downers thwart my enthusiasm for my project. There is much work to do. And with most of my writing, I will give a piece of myself away as I write and write and write. But saturating my work with myself does not necessarily equal success. I can still feel the rejection from my recent submission to from Brain, Child magazine, and it feels about as good as sunburn.

Regardless, I will push forward. I will persevere. I will feel good about working towards a goal that I believe in. And I'll try to remember that getting burned is something that happens sometimes when you venture out into the sun.