Grief and muddling through

I have no idea what I’m doing or how I’m muddling through grief. But I am. I go to sleep every night and wake up every morning because my heart keeps beating and my lungs keep sucking air and so on. Just the other day someone said to me, “I wouldn’t survive it.” And I realized after the fact that the only reason I’m “surviving it” is because I haven’t given in to the urge to kill myself. At least I now know what my response will be the next time someone says something that asinine to me.

Grief and skipping out

Today I skipped therapy, because, well, I don’t have to go. Fuck that. Because that’s how I feel right now. Fuck everything. Take all of your jolliness and shove it... Even though I’ve bought a bunch of presents. I should probably wrap those soon.