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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Judgement-free parenthood for all

I guess I need to clarify my thoughts about being an at-home parent.

I'm thrilled to be at home with Toddler in Chief. I feel incredibly lucky and fortunate to have a husband who makes enough money to support the whole family. That way, I can raise our son, and--in my free time--wonder what I want to do for a living when I grow up. In the meantime, I'm writing here, pursuing enjoyable freelance-writing opportunities, and re-living my childhood through TIC. I even applied to grad school last year (I didn't get in, but it was exciting during application process). I'm also contemplating joining a gym.

In my previous post, I wrote:
I know at times I have feared that other people might judge me because I've become one of those women who worked just long enough to get married and have a baby...I never intended to become that woman; it's what happened, but it's not what I set out to do. So now my job is to make sure that's not how my story ends.

And Swamps commented:
I guess what i don't understand is what is wrong with being a woman who works just long enough and then has a child? What, do they expect us to never work? or to never have children? Whoever "they" are. I am that woman. And if someone judges me, then i suppose it's their problem...

My point was this: I did not get married and have a baby so that I could stop working. I wasn't motivated to get pregnant by the idea of quitting my job. (although I have contemplated that scenario recently--and it really brought out some fangs).

And I don't care why other people get pregnant. People get pregnant for lots of reasons--right or wrong, good or bad--and in the end they have beautiful babies to love and to show the world to. That stuff doesn't matter to me and it's really none of my business. The only thing that matters to me is that people love and encourage their kids.

But for me, I didn't have a baby to abandon other chunks of my life. I want to feel fulfilled in all (or at least many) parts of my life as possible. Being a parent is just one aspect of who I am. I am a mother, first and foremost. But I'm also a wife, a woman, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and a writer. And if I'm not working on being good at all of those things, then I feel a void and that makes dislike my primary job.


  1. It all comes down to being at peace with whatever life one chooses, and not using aspects of life to run away from things.

    I love being a mom, you love being a mom. I feel very sad for people who don't love what they do.

  2. Well, sure! Up until we had our first kid, we were not a mom. That person certainly has not left. I am not all about being a mom. I struggle and constantly assess for what's best for myself now that life is more complex with this new role of mom (and new role with the kid's father as we've recently separated).

    It's so important to feel fulfilled with your life as you see fit. I do not think anyone's asking you to settle for just being some stereotypical soccer mom type or whatever else. I feel that if a parent can be happy (or at least at peace as running2ks says) with their life, that will have the most positive effect on their children!!