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Monday, May 23, 2005

An easy end this work-home dilemma

A comment from last month has been floating around my thoughts, stewing.

It was a comment in response to being outnumbered. So many of the women around me have either brought a second baby into the world or are on their way to doing so. Then there's me and a increasingly smaller number of friends on the sidelines with our one child trying to figure everything out. For me, I stress about wanting to work, but wishing I could find the perfect part-time job that would nourish my ego while not giving up the parenting-thing altogether. And because I don't have to work, I get to be a little picky about what it is I do.

So I ponder, I wonder, I contemplate, I stress, I fret, I long, I pine. Ah, the luxury of choice.

Anyway, there was a comment that manababies made about making the transition from one child to two children and how that affected her thought process about going back to work.
When I was still a mom-of-one, I often went back and forth... should I go back to work? If so, when? My husband used to ask me that question constantly. After my son came along he stopped asking because it really is too much to think about, especially with all the little things we Mommies have going on in our heads. And the only time I can stop and think is when the kids are in bed. At that point I can't even begin to raise that 'going back to work' issue. Ugh, such a tough thing!
I know she didn't mean it this way, but manababies' comment planted a seed in my head that has sprouted into a full-fledged possibility of postponing my predicament. Instead of trying to figure out how to find this wonderful, perfectly-customizable, part-time job, I could just have another baby. She said that the only time she has to think about work is when the kids are sleeping. Maybe with two babies I won't have time to wonder how to find the perfect work-parenting balance. I'll be too sleepy.

In the first trimester, I'll be sick and achy and irritable. There won't be any energy to think much about work. And then as the pregnancy progresses, there won't be time to think about work because I'll be too busy nesting, etc. And then once a newborn is keeping me awake round the clock, there certainly will be no pining for additional work, even if it is for my poor, deprived ego.

It's the perfect solution! Or at least the perfect procrastination! Or maybe the perfect cop-out.


  1. Anonymous6:54 AM

    No, no! Don't do it!

    Here's an idea -- why don't you write a book? That could be your new baby. :-)

  2. Speaking of nesting, when I was pregnant with Baby No. 2, I had so much pent-up energy, I completely redecorated two bedrooms. I was always so antsy to do something, and before becoming pregnant again, instead of actually going back to work, I decided to focus completely on myself in a different way by eating better and falling into an exercise regimen. I had fun being consumed with that, not to mention I actually fit into tiny clothes! But I think the novelty of all that wore off and I really wanted to have another baby. Now I really miss having that 'me time', but I do know that it will be possible to do that again in the future. When? Who knows.

    I really don't think you should base this decision on what other women around you are doing. However, now that I'm pregnant with Baby No. 3, which was completely unplanned and could be seen as a huge detour as far as what I had planned for myself, it seems that things will work out okay. I really don't know what "me time" is any longer, but I feel that I've surrendered to that already so for me it's okay to be completely consumed with Mommyhood. And in a way, I sort of feel like the third baby will be here, which marks the end of babymaking for us, and that could mean that I just might get my act together again before I hit 40. I hope so anyway (and so does my husband, hehe). But as far as working and what my plans are, my attitude about all that has definitely changed. Instead I've found that it's easier to focus on the here and now rather than on what I could be doing. Not very good as far as planning for my own future, but it's far less stressful.

    Good luck with your decision. I think either way, you'll be happy and things will work out.