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Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Learning how to let go

The paperwork arrived from Bay Area Parent Magazine over the weekend for two of my three upcoming stories. I just need to sign my name and send it back.

I'm already feeling anxious about the deadlines even though the first is three weeks away. I now just need to do some organizing to carve time out of my schedule, hire child care, and get down to work. I really don't have many obligations during the week. All of our activities are voluntary, but Toddler in Chief and I rarely have an appointment-free day. So now relinquishing some of those items that are built into our weekly routine is all I need to do to get busy.

On the other hand, I need to grow as a parent. I need to get over the part about putting TIC into someone else's hands for a bunch of extra hours a week. Learning to let go has got to be one of the hardest lessons to learn as a parent. I marvel at how independent our child has become while aching for the closeness, intimacy, and dependency of our newborn boy.

As I sit and wonder about my upcoming research and writing, butterflies putter around my stomach (or is it nausea?). It seems that getting what I want is going to be at least as emotionally challenging as not getting it.

2 comments:

  1. Good luck with your work. I'm sure you can do it!!! (and I feel a bit jealous, being out of work myself - but I shouldn't say that, since I HAVE a dissertation to finish if I want to work someday :)

    As for letting go, for me that's the hardest part, I think about it ALL the time. My sons haven't yet been cared for by anyone except my parents, and I imagine it will be hard to have to hire childcare or send them to pre-school when the time comes to do it.

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  2. the nausea and butterflies do go away. eventually.

    I think it took like 2 months for me. And days when the little guy cries or looks sad when I leave, they come back. But, overall, it will be fine-- TIC and you!

    You go girl! This is great news for you to branch out.

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