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Saturday, November 12, 2005

Am I a Genuine Faux Feminist?

I'm a feminist. I believe that women are equal to men, and that men are equal to women. I believe that equally qualified people should make the same money for the same job, regardless of gender. If a woman wants to stay home to raise the kids while her husband works, that's okay. If a man wants to stay home to raise the kids while his wife works, that's okay. I believe in a division of household tasks. I call it equal-opportunity chores.

That said, there's something very appealing about being taken care of. My husband works very hard and a fringe benefit of that, is that I don't have to work full-time anywhere. I could if I wanted to, but it's not a priority for us right now. I'd rather hang around the house with Toddler in Chief, work on my freelance writing, fantasize about graduate school, sip French Lemonade, and try to finish the photo album I started ten months ago.

But what I find most interesting is that when we go out, Father in Chief nearly always drives. If I must drive, I get (secretly) annoyed. And no matter where we are, if it involves money, I rarely go for my wallet. That is, unless FIC asked me if I have X denomination or some change to complete the transaction. It's not even like it's his money versus my money because we the share a bank account. It's just I don't want to be bothered.

Does that make me a faux feminist? I'm a full equal partner in our household, unless it's a man-job. He pays the bills. He takes out the garbage. I load and unload the dishwasher. I do most of the laundry. He drives. And I vivid memory of when we bought our first car together. It was a Volkswagen Cabrio. And the VW slogan was: "On the road of life there are passengers and there are drivers. Drivers Wanted." And I remember asking the sales person if passengers were wanted too? She gave me a half smile. So this passenger-thing goes way back. We eventually lost the Cabrio in a flood (story for another time). And the paying thing is just something we've always done too. Probably because when FIC and I were courting (the second time around), he had a real job complete with a real paycheck, and I was in college.

This arrangement just feels comfortable, even if it's not totally equal. He probably feels like a provider and I feel taken care of. I guess it's not so bad as long as everyone knows where they stand. Or at least they know where they'd like to stand. Or at least they know that the other person knows that they are standing next to them, or in the general proximity, thereof. Or something like that.


  1. I think you are a feminist if you believe you are an equal. I do the same things.

    I use my husband as my wallet, my driver, and my paycheck ;)

  2. Anonymous1:30 PM

    I would call that feminism. My personal opinion of feminism these days involves the woman's right to choose to stay home. Imagine that! I'm weird, but I think we're going backwards, with women having to juggle family life, work life, raising children, etc, all at once. I always think, if you want woman's right, you should fight for the right to be a full time mother.
    Thanks for commenting on my blog!