AddThis script

Sunday, June 01, 2008

The lonely housewife

Gone are the days when my week revolved around playdates. Those breaks in the isolation of new motherhood. The isolation of being at home all the time instead of in an office surrounded by work, coworkers, and deadlines.

There are too many schedules. Too many sibling naps. Too many other things pulling at our time to allow us to get together with any regularity.

That leaves each of us struggling to find our own way. We are rarely alone. But we are rarely conversing with other people our own age. We rarely have free time, and we are trying to figure out who we are now that our kids are a little bit bigger and just ever-so-slightly less needy. They have their own activities, their own schedules. Yet, they are not independent enough to offer more free time and less stress to the parents caring for their needs.

So here I am feeling ever so alone in this strange world as a housewife and mother. It's sometimes gratifying. And sometimes it's not gratifying. I find it all-consuming, yet those feelings are snuggly wrapped with feelings of emptiness. Then there's the guilt, the anxiety, the never-ending chores and to-do lists.

I'm not stagnating. In addition to the lonely parenting, I've been writing and pushing myself towards my self-imposed deadlines. But those things are also solitary, isolating.

Mostly, I miss my friends. I miss our simple gatherings at the park when the kids would roll around on blankets while the moms talked shop--breastfeeding, diapers, sleep, sex (or lack thereof), and what aspirations we had for ourselves beyond motherhood. Talking about our aspirations is much easier than actually trying to sort it all out.

Attempting to sort it all out amplifies just how much I have no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going, or how I'm going to get through the week, or the next hour for that matter.

4 comments:

  1. awww, it sounds similar to what I felt, but I was more of a playgroup drop-out. why can't you find another group you can get together with? you have to make an effort to do the things that make what you do pleasurable. or at least doable. :)

    La Petite Belle
    http://lapetitebelle.typepad.com

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm not stay at home mom and I don't work from home. I work just enough hours at a nursing home to have benefits and the rest of my time with my hubby and three year old daughter but I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I feel like if I don't talk to someone over the age of three that doesn't have dementia I'm going to lose my mind. I sometimes wonder what happened to me. What am I besides a mama and wife not that I don't love being those things I just sometimes wonder is there anything else left.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hear ya! My kids are, like you said, just a bit less needy now, but I still don't have enough time to see friends. I find myself striking up conversations with other parents when I'm waiting for my kids to finish their swim lessons (for instance), or when I'm picking up from school. Those are pleasurable conversations in themselves, but some days I miss the conversations I had with pre-children friends. There is alot to be said about old friends (not that new-friends-you-make-because-of-convenience-with-your-kids isn't good in themselves).

    ReplyDelete
  4. So I work... and I still feel lonely. Very lonely. Right now, I counted. The last time I went out without the kids with friends? 9 months ago.

    So, sure hubby and I had a date last weekend (a movie), but it was rushed inbetween errands and before the hockey game. I want a long night out. with adults. With others. To talk and feel alive for a while.

    Damn. I wish we lived closer!

    ReplyDelete