Self-serve satisfaction
Sunday, January 30, 2005
Being a parent doesn't make you needy. Parents don't have time to be needy because we are constantly needed by others. Small others with very big needs. And when we aren't filling needs (ie: read this book, build a tower, horsey rides around the living room, trips to the park), we are anticipating needs (what groceries do I need to buy, what should I make for dinner, better do that laundry because I'm out of clean underwear).
As parents, we barely have time to think about ourselves. So instead of making us needy, being a parent makes us lonely and isolated adults with long, never-ending to-do lists. If we have needs, and surely we do, then they are this: acknowledge that this parenting stuff is hard work, and thank me for doing the _______ (insert domestic task of your choice).
There has been a lot of fodder around David Hochman's New York Times piece "Mommy (and Me)." He writes, "The baby blog in many cases is an online shrine to parental self-absorption," and ends with the assertion that parent-bloggers are crashing towards a self-fulfilling letdown: "And of course the more parents blog, the less likely they are to get the attention and validation they seem to crave."
I don't deny that validation would be nice, but that is not why I write this blog. This is about feeling productive in the not-so-productive world of at-home parenting. Most of the time, if I'm lucky to get a break long enough to have a coherent thought, then hallelujah, I'm going to publish it so that I can look back it later and know that: 1) I had a coherent thought, and 2) phew, my brain isn't turning into pureed squash.
So am I being defensive? Maybe a little. I'm a parent and I blog. But I'd like to point out that this is a self-servicing blog. It feels good to write. And if I like watching my traffic numbers grow, and I'm excited when I see people have linked to my blog, or commented on my blog (yes, yes, please comment!), then so what?
For an ex-reporter, flexing my fingers into flowing sentences, and seeing the fruits of my non-paying labor up there in all its pink-bordered, monitor-glowing glory, then that is reward enough for me.
As parents, we barely have time to think about ourselves. So instead of making us needy, being a parent makes us lonely and isolated adults with long, never-ending to-do lists. If we have needs, and surely we do, then they are this: acknowledge that this parenting stuff is hard work, and thank me for doing the _______ (insert domestic task of your choice).
There has been a lot of fodder around David Hochman's New York Times piece "Mommy (and Me)." He writes, "The baby blog in many cases is an online shrine to parental self-absorption," and ends with the assertion that parent-bloggers are crashing towards a self-fulfilling letdown: "And of course the more parents blog, the less likely they are to get the attention and validation they seem to crave."
I don't deny that validation would be nice, but that is not why I write this blog. This is about feeling productive in the not-so-productive world of at-home parenting. Most of the time, if I'm lucky to get a break long enough to have a coherent thought, then hallelujah, I'm going to publish it so that I can look back it later and know that: 1) I had a coherent thought, and 2) phew, my brain isn't turning into pureed squash.
So am I being defensive? Maybe a little. I'm a parent and I blog. But I'd like to point out that this is a self-servicing blog. It feels good to write. And if I like watching my traffic numbers grow, and I'm excited when I see people have linked to my blog, or commented on my blog (yes, yes, please comment!), then so what?
For an ex-reporter, flexing my fingers into flowing sentences, and seeing the fruits of my non-paying labor up there in all its pink-bordered, monitor-glowing glory, then that is reward enough for me.
1 Comments:
Great post. "Self-absorbed" and "needy" are knee-jerk responses to any mother (okay, parent, but mothers specifically get the bulk of the blame) who dares attempt something outside the realm of the maternal. I talked about the significance of blogging in my talk at the recent ARM conference on motherhood and feminism, which was excerpted on MJ Rose's blog here: The Secret Life of Moms: Maternal Narrative, Momoirs, and the Rise of the Blog.
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