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Monday, July 16, 2007

Shed tears? Are you kidding?

I think of images of parents weeping as their kids head off to school. That is probably about as realistic as those images of couples sleeping in separate beds, like Rob and Laurie Petrie from the Dick Van Dike Show in the 1960s. Preschooler in Chief started school last Monday and total elation was the result. If there had been tears, they would have been of utter joy. As soon as he left, I did a little happy dance and got out some chocolate to eat for breakfast. Because I can't eat chocolate for breakfast when PIC is here.

He has been the most annoying, loud, defiant, and obnoxious kid. I'm gritting my teeth just thinking about it. It is best for everyone that we are not spending as much time together. Yes it is nice that I have a bit more time to work, to exercise, and to play one-on-one with Baby in Chief. But honestly, the best part is that I am not with PIC 14 waking hours a day. The chocolate part is nice too.

I thought the worst was going to be the Terrible Twos. Everyone knows about the Terrible Twos. It's a well-advertised fact that kids are annoying and demanding and difficult when they are two. Even people without kids have heard about those Terrible Twos. And two was actually a pretty easy year. But then he turned three. And then everyone started talking about the Terrible Threes. Wait? What? Terrible Threes?? It was all false advertising. I thought two was going to be the worst year. But we took a deep breath and looked forward to the Fabulous Fours. But no, it didn't end there. Now that he's four I keep hearing about the Frustrating Fours. When does this end?? Well, frankly, I'm sick of it. I want the Fabulous Fours, not the Fuck-Off-Mom Fours. I want the Freakishly-Wonderful Fives, not the Go-Fuck-Yourself Fives. I want the Stupendous Sixes, not the Shitty Sixes. How long can this possibly last??

I guess it really doesn't matter that much because as soon as the PIC hits those good years, it will be just in time for BIC to take his turn trying to win the award for Most Annoying Kid. Ugh.


  1. hey suzanne...

    i just bought this book, yesterday:
    Parenting with Love and Logic.

    I think you might appreciate some of their no nonsense approaches. Plus, what I also like about it is they strongly urge you to establish your own needs and make sure they are being met. As they say: Happy Parents make Happy Kids. Don't make your kids' problems your problems. Let them remain your kids'. And then they learn!

    Now, i just bought this book yesterday. Talk to me in a month or two and we'll see if I remember a single thing it says!! :-)


  2. Hear! Hear! Our pediatrician's comment: "Nobody tells you about the terrible threes because if you knew how bad they were going to be you'd eat your young by the time they were two." (!!)

    Preschool is the greatest thing every invented, and you should revel in every peace filled moment it gives you. For all the other moments, just gritting your teeth and bearing it is about the best survival tactic I could come up with.

    You'll make it.

    Brooke R.

  3. I am so sorry that you feel that way about your children....after all you have gone through with your son you would think that you would cherish every moment with him. As a mother, I can say that if you are raising your children properly you shouldn't have all the stress you are. And God Forbid your son ever, ever hear you say that he is the most annyoying child. Praying for you as you mother him, this is the life you chose....enjoy it now because it will be done before you know it.


  4. Anonymous10:42 AM

    Emma's comments FLOORED me! where does she get off judging someone she doesn't even know! I think you are a great mom, and sickness or not, PIC is tempermental just like other kids. I guess we need to keep in mind that moms are all different, some of us live every moment for our children, and some of us make them a part of a bigger picture. Hopefully you will find the tools that help you work through your issues with the little guy. (I found a mommy vaca works great!) And something I thought of the other day, which will seem soo silly considering my fear, have you thought of a counsler for PIC. I think we talked about depression and illness - maybe some of his acting out isn't just being 4. Maybe its him trying to process all he's been through. (wish I could have that excuse with mine :-)

  5. I want to echo what Jen said.

    And my comment from the other day ("wow") was meant as, "I can totally relate" as I was nodding my head. I should have clarified, so i'm sorry if it came across the wrong way.

    Almost every mom tends to feel this way at one point or another, and if they say they don't, they're lying.

    NO ONE should judge you for feeling the way you feel, having a sick child or not!

  6. I just wanted to let you know that I have felt the same way about Drew. Which is surprising because he was such an easy toddler, I thought we skipped the terrible twos. I also thought we "deserved" this perfectly behaved child because of all we had been through with his surgeries and hospitalizations. But so far, three has been terrible! Maybe it's the addition of a sibling, but something is quite different! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry someone has put guilt on you about not enjoying every moment that you get to spend with Riley. I think that as mothers of heart children we put enough of that kind of guilt on ourselves. I know I do. I think if they are healthy enough to be irritating that is a good sign that they are living as close to normal lives as possible.

  7. Andrea -- I also thought that I "deserved" a well-behaved kid... that was the *least* we should get, right?? And it seemed that was true for the first two years. But maybe they are so shell-shocked from being hospitalized that they are just good kids. Who knows. Maybe just a coincidence. Anyway, it is hard to take all this naughtiness, but I feel the same way: him acting all naughty and shouty *and* me getting angry and frustrated with him is actually a good thing.... for now, our life is that of a normal family with normal family issues.

  8. I'm curious what Emma's definition is of properly raising a child is? The most stress-free parents I know are the ones who don't give a shit that their kid is the world's most annoying brat. Being oblivious to your kids behavior does not strike me as good parenting.

    The reality is all kids (and adults) are annoying brats from time to time. I would say that it is possible to cherish a child, without cherishing bad behavior. My observations lead me to believe that PIC is a truly cherished child with great parents.

    It is our job as parents to try to minimize their bad behavior for their sakes as well as for our sanity despite their medical or other problems.

    Problems can help explain bad behavior, but they do not excuse it. We have enough a$$holes per capita, god forbid we excuse it and create more because they have some sort of health problem. Then they will have a socialization problem in addition to health problems.

    I have found the book "1-2-3 Magic" to be helpful in teaching me how to discipline our kids and maintain our sanity.

    Good luck.

  9. I noticed that Emma's username is Mommyto1 - if she is indeed only the mother of one that could perhaps explain her complete inability to relate to being a mother of TWO.

    I hope her little one starts putting her to the test VERY soon. I'd like to see her so-called wonderful parenting in action.

    And how dare she judge Riley! And that is what she is doing when she judges you. Does she have any idea what it's like? What's that saying - until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes?

    Really, Emma, get over yourself. I don't know you, but I can tell from your post you are nothing special - so don't kid yourself.

    Suzanne is worth a million of you - for sure!

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  12. My sister called me and told me I just had to come and check this out! She said "It is so you", she didn't tell me what it was about exactly, and during that 2 minute conversation, I had to drop the phone down, twice, so that my sister would not be deafened by the screams of my 2 youngest kids in the background! I hung up the phone, and went straight to this page. I could not believe what I read...she was SO right!!! I have said the exact same thing, so many times. I have a couple of friends, that "feel" quite the opposite, I put the word feel in quotation marks, because, to be perfectly honest...I don't believe them!! I think that they fear what "society" will think of them, if they DARE speak their true feelings. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but, I think it is perfectly healthy to admit, that they drive me absolutely INSANE. I am currently living the terrible-threes, the fuck you-fours, and the kiss my ass-sevens...the only advice I can give you, is, don't change a thing!!!!!!!!!!