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Thursday, August 11, 2005

How much is too much information?

The BIG question: Where have all the dancers gone? Out of all the super women I know, Attorney Friend (see left) is my only reliable dance partner. We have even made a pact. We are going out dancing at least every other week for the next year. After that we'll revisit the whole having-another-baby issue. For now, it's all about us.

That said, I never know what to do when we're out dancing and some guy wants to dance with me. I never know how much information is too much information to share. There are three scenario that ponder and I certainly don't have a clue which is the best way to go, especially because I have been out of the dating scene for 10 years.

First scenario: Don't say anything

Someone wants to dance with me. Fabulous! Especially if he's cute. Why not? Just because I'm married, doesn't mean I'm blind. And a good dancer gets bonus points. Then we dance, dance, dance. However, just because I've said that I'd like to dance does not mean that I'm interested in anything other than shaking my thing in his general proximity. The downside: at the end of the night he may have the impression that my interest in dancing with him means that I'm interested in more.

This happened to me and Attorney Friend one night when we were in Santa Rosa seeing Notorious. They felt misled. And I felt like I had somehow given the wrong impression.

Second scenario: Say too much

Someone wants to dance with me. I avoid him until intermission so that I can fully explain that I'm happily married. I also explain that I'd like to dance with him, but if he's interested in more than dancing he better go dance with that other chic. I explain that the reason I'm saying this is because I haven't been "out there" for a long time and I'm not sure what impression dancing with someone gives. This scenario gets everything out in the open. Probably too much information though. It's a dance and I don't want to assume that the guy was expecting me to go home with him.

This happened to me one night at the Red Devil Lounge in San Francisco (again seeing Notorious). There was a guy who wanted to dance with me and I kept avoiding him. Then during intermission, I went into a 10-minute explanation that I'd like to dance with him, but I'm married. And is he looking to hook up with someone? If so, then he should probably look elsewhere because I'm just interested in a dance partner. The take-away: he thought I was insane. It was definitely an over-share.

Third scenario: Just the right amount

Someone wants to dance with me. I someone manage to convey that I'm interested in dancing, but that is that. He doesn't grope me or grind me. Rather, there is the perfect amount of space between us and there is no misunderstanding about what a dance means.

The problem is that I still haven't mastered this third scenario. I guess the way to avoid is to have Father in Chief as my manly accessory. This weekend's destination: Notorious (of course) with Mandonna (the all male, all live tribute to the Material Girl). I can hardly wait. The men are not so sure.


  1. Anonymous1:18 PM

    soooo funny. i've had this exact dilemma. what a great post. i linked to it from crazedparent but for some reason trackback isn't working for me.

  2. i'm not much of a dancer, but i am pretty sure i'd be one to lay it all out there and then freak the guy out. ;)
    hope you can find that fine line btwn too much info and not enough.
    have fun at mandonna. sounds like a hoot! :) btw, my dd is enjoying dancing to the music on the mandonna site. LOL

  3. Anonymous12:37 PM

    I think we should just accept that men in dance clubs ALL WANT ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY... To take you home. So I always give a fake name and pretend the music is too loud if he asks any other questions "What? Huh? Sorry, can't hear you!"

  4. Anonymous8:05 AM

    I'm with Lassa on this one, I think she's got it down perfectly...

    You're just too nice, Suzanne! Just don't worry about those guys, it's probably good for them to dance all night with someone and then get blown off with no explanation.