tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9999144.post112468419275075060..comments2024-02-14T14:37:30.781-08:00Comments on Mother in Chief: It's about where we came fromMother in Chiefhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10096344221710006618noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9999144.post-1124896725787149622005-08-24T08:18:00.000-07:002005-08-24T08:18:00.000-07:00I just stumbled upon your post, and really love th...I just stumbled upon your post, and really love the topic. I am a 32 year old mom of 2 girls - they're 7 and 9. I have done every type of work/home arrangment possible! I've worked not at all, I've worked from home, I've worked p/t evenings and weekends while they were with their dad, I've worked full-time, then I worked 4 days a week - using the one day off to volunteer at their school (it was the hardest day of my week! work was easier!), and now I'm in law school. <BR/><BR/>I do not think that my decisions, or my happiness, is very related to my mother. Although it is true that she also tried lots of different things (worked nights and weekends as a nurse, worked part time at my dad's business, didn't work, etc.). My choices have come from figuring out what works, and what makes us all happiest.<BR/><BR/>I've found that I'm not good at being home. I get listless and lack motivation. i have quantity of time with the kids, but not quality. when i'm working (or schooling), and we have less TIME together, we get more out of it. i am very careful to only enter situations that allow me to balance my work/school requirements with my parenting goals and responsibilities. <BR/><BR/>I do think it is possible. While working full time, while in law school full time - I have been there for my kids. i've been to every class breakfast, i've been to every performance. i have NOT gone to field trips, but honestly, i probably wouldn't if i were home full-time. Even during the hellacious first year of law school, we protected evenings and weekends, I read aloud to my kids every night, we do homework and projects together. <BR/><BR/>somehow, through my rambling, i mean to say that my choices do not come from my mom. They come from the person that *I* am, and the balancing that *I* need in order to be the person AND the mom that i want to be. <BR/><BR/>of course, my mom did have some input in all of that ;)Zuskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10209172715515087916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9999144.post-1124756104592551472005-08-22T17:15:00.000-07:002005-08-22T17:15:00.000-07:00I love this post! I am a mom-to-be (EDD 3/28/06) s...I love this post! <BR/><BR/>I am a mom-to-be (EDD 3/28/06) so I don't have the mom perspective yet. But I know all of my ambition and career drive came from watching my mom be a successful, working single mom. From early on, I never missed her not being home for me. I learned from her as she talked about what she needed to do to support us. I loved when we got to take fun trips when she'd had a good quarter. I learned how to manage money from the sacrifices we made when she had a bad quarter. I learned a lot about interpersonal skills from her stories of arguments with her boss or issues with co-workers. Most of all, watching her various career changes over the years, I learned the importance of figuring out what you are passionate about and going after it - it is never too late to find that path. <BR/><BR/>All of this having been said - my mom was a SAHM until I was 5 so who knows if my basic personality and confidence came from that early attention and development. I worry a lot about that for my child as I have no choice financially but to keep working once he/she is born.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9999144.post-1124718146104189122005-08-22T06:42:00.000-07:002005-08-22T06:42:00.000-07:00I think it's absolutely true that it all depends w...I think it's absolutely true that it all depends where you came from. My mom is only 50, she was a part of the first generation of mothers "expected" to go to work. I grew up coming home to an empty house after school. When my mother did get home, she was often stressed out and distracted by her job. This instilled in me a desire to put my mothering first, and work in my home if I work at all. We'll see how this works out in the end- I'll probably raise daughters determined not to be stuck at home ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9999144.post-1124718057177550132005-08-22T06:40:00.000-07:002005-08-22T06:40:00.000-07:00I thought right away this ties in with the previou...I thought right away this ties in with the previous guilt entry - for me anyway. My mom has a completely different perspective on this because she and my dad were immigrants. I think it's a rather skewed viewpoint, in that she came here to America to build a new life, but "success" had a lot to do with material things. So she's often told me that I should go back to work for the sake of being able to buy things without feeling guilty. But as far as the guilt goes, mine has more to do with being there for my kids. I want to be able to go on field trips with them, to help them with their homework, go to ballet and piano recitals. My parents never did that because they were working - not that every working parent is stuck in that way. But I think my parents just didn't have a clue. :) Unlike my parents, I really feel that whether or not my kids are successful in life depends solely upon me and my husband. That might be a very unrealistic weight to bear, but I want to believe that my guidance will make a difference in their lives.<BR/><BR/>Where we live (Chicago 'burbs), being a SAHM is quite rare. But this is based on family and friends, not on anything statistical. That lack of influence from other moms my age made this decision a lot more difficult, and I often wonder if that has more to do with my inner conflict about giving up my career. But then, it's a little disheartening to constantly be told that I have it easy, almost as though I took this path due to lack of ambition.manababieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03972417886928074122noreply@blogger.com